Running your own business doing something you love is supposed to be fun…. right?
It is, but its bloody hard.
What starts as something small, dipping your toes in the water, really not believing that someone will pay for your wares but enjoying designing logos and practising product design becomes something much more serious and hard work.
I started this business because I love crochet. I love it when my finished design comes out looking the same as the one in my head. I am still overwhelmed and surprised when someone purchases one of my designs (especially someone I don’t know) and I absolutely adore teaching other people to crochet and watching their reaction when they are able to create beautiful projects.
However, running a business, even as small as mine, is really hard.
I am doing this, as well as many others, alongside my mortgage paying and very challenging day job. I always dream that the crochet could take over the day job completely but this really isn’t a reality at the moment so I spend my time balancing the two.
I’ve come to realise that my little crochet business isn’t just about the crocheting and the teaching. I am starting to spend less time crocheting and more time running a business, whether that is trying to keep up to date with tax records, ensuring that I am prepared and organised for numerous crochet lessons each week or tackling the monstrous black hole that is social media in a bid to try to get my tiny fish seen in such a big pond.
I feel resentful of the time and energy that my day job currently drains from me, whilst trying to be respectful that this is the job that actually pays the bills and given my position, I need to ensure that I give it my full and undivided attention and professional knowledge.
I feel cross that I cannot spend more time on my business, developing it with all the ideas that are in my head and frustrated that it takes me so much longer than I think to get where I want to be.
I feel worried that I never give enough time and attention to my two teenage children who are both going through some difficult and challenging experiences and that I am not supporting and guiding them as much as I should be.
I feel guilty that I don’t spend enough time with my brilliant hubby, who just spends his whole time worrying about me and looking after me.
I feel like a fraud, that I am not actually doing anything well, just stumbling from one thing to another. I feel like I am failing as a manager, mum, wife, daughter, sister, friend and business person.
I feel absolutely physically and mentally knackered with all the demands I am experiencing and am just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.
and don’t even get me started on the fact that I eat for England when I am stressed… I mean, come on, give me a break – give me something!!!
I’ve had thoughts about stopping the crochet lessons and just concentrating on my patterns and kits to free up some of my time and take the pressure off, however I have really found ‘my thing’ with the lessons. I can feel myself glow when I teach crochet and would be so sad to stop this.
I’ve had thoughts about pausing/stopping the crochet business altogether and just crocheting for my own pleasure – but that would also make me very sad, and I think I would always wonder ‘what if – could I have made it?’
Then I think about the people in my life; friends, family and colleagues, who have/are going experiences that are so much more challenging, awful and heartbreaking than me and they do this in such an incredible, positive and inspiring way. How they do this without complaining and whilst also finding the time to be there for others – I truly am inspired by them. I think about where I work in the day job and how precious life is. Whilst I have so many demands hitting me at the moment, it is nothing compared to what others are facing in their world. Who am I to complain.
So yes, I do feel resentful, cross, worried, guilty and sad. I am absolutely truly knackered……… however, I am also loved, happy, blessed and grateful with the friends and family in my life and my new business tribe I have found.
Running a business, even if it is one you are absolutely passionate about, is bloody hard but I will keep doing it. I may not get all aspects of my life right all the time but I will survive, I will keep doing my best, I will be there for my colleagues, family and friends whenever they need me as much as I can and I will be successful in moving my business in the direction that I can see in my dreams – it may take me a lot longer than I hope, but I will get there.
As someone very wise and special once said to me;